Dealing with Conflict
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Malcolm Webber
Dealing with Conflict
1. In your teams, recall specific conflicts that each of you has been through over the years and how you responded to them. Together, help each other to learn what you did right and what could have been improved.
2. Listen to the teaching on the Five Ways of Dealing with Conflict:
- Avoiding. “I will stay out of it.”
- Accommodating. “I will give in.”
- Collaborating. “Let’s work together for everyone’s good.”
- Compromising. “I will meet you halfway.”
- Competing. “I will get my way.”
3. Individually, name an animal, fish or bird that might symbolize each of the Five Ways. Then compare your list with everyone on your team. Together, discuss your choices and your reasons behind them.
4. In your teams, determine which pattern of conflict is used in each of these accounts?
- Genesis 3:6 (In view of that fact that Adam was not deceived [1 Tim. 2:14], what was the nature of his response to Eve here and what were the results?)
- Genesis 3:8-10 (How did Adam and Eve respond to God and why? What are the problems with this kind of response?)
- Genesis 13:5-12 (How did Abraham respond to Lot and why was this appropriate?)
- 2 Kings 3:1-3 (What was Joram’s response to the conflict between the kings of Israel and the prophets, and what were the results?)
- Daniel 1:8-17 (What was Daniel’s response to the conflict about the food and what were the results?)
- Mark 9:33-37 (How were the disciples dealing with their disagreement here and what was Jesus’ response?)
- Mark 15:9-15 (How did Pilate resolve his conflict with the crowd and what problems does this approach cause?)
- Acts 6:1-7 (How did the leaders respond to the conflict between the widows and what were the positive outcomes?)
- Acts 15:36-41 (How did Paul and Barnabas resolve their conflict over Mark and what were the positive results?)
- Acts 16:1-3 (Paul anticipated conflict with the Jews over Timothy; how did he respond and was this right or wrong?)
- Galatians 2:11-21 (Was Paul right or wrong in dealing with Peter this way and why?)
Write a brief summary of your thoughts for each example.
5. Individually, draw a diagram for each of the Five Ways, using stick figures to express each one. In your teams discuss your diagrams.
6. In your teams, then find at least one more biblical example for each of the Five Ways of Dealing with Conflict. Choose one of these examples and make a creative presentation of some kind (drama, mime, song, etc.) to share your findings with everyone else, and then lead a discussion concerning how conflict was handled in this example and the results.
7. Individually, spend an hour before God, asking Him to show you how you have characteristically dealt with conflict in your own life in the past. Write down what he shows you – both good and bad – and share it with your pastoral coach and intercessor in your next meetings with them. Receive feedback from your pastoral coach and prayer from your intercessor. In particular, share with them any unresolved conflicts that remain in your life and relationships, receiving counsel and prayer.
8. Pray for one another in your teams, that God will help you to grow in your capacity to respond appropriately to conflict.
9. Ask your ministry mentor to take you with him the next time he has to deal with conflict between people (with their permission). Before he deals with the conflict, ask him to give you a chance to make suggestions regarding the nature of the conflict and how best to resolve it.
